P.S. Israeli Men are SO Hot...

I can't resist a hot Israeli with an uzi...I know. I know. But it's the truth.

Composedly.

I don't know what it is, but it feels like something is coming. Something might be different; something is happening, Composedly.

Suddenly I See..

It's simply amazing and delightful how everything in your life can change in the blink of an eye. Simply just that easy. It's incredible how stepping off a plane and walking through the gates of another city on the opposite side of the world can transform your life and the way you see it. It's amazing how one breath of air can make you feel so fresh and alive. It's insane how that one breath can make you feel like a different person. It's scary how one hello can change your life forever. It's simply indescribable.

Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me

I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world
You can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember
What you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on her word

Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me

And she's taller than most
And she's looking at me
I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine
Oh she makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big strong tower
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see

Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me

~KT Tunstall

My Little Place

I have a little place that sits in the back window of my car... It stopped the people who were walking by. They paused, and watched it. Then other people came to join them, and they showed them that little place.
It's simply a red house, with a dock that leads to a river, with toothpick-ed faded trees surrounding the house.
I've reminded myself to throw the thing away dozens of times, but if it is going to bring people to a stop, then I might just keep it there.
It's my little place that sits in the back window of my car.

Journey Home

This was my first view of Jerusalem. We spent hours in JFK before we boarded our Israir flight. Then when we arrived in Israel we went through Israeli customs and had our passports stamped. I was so excited. I couldn't wait to get through the customs to have my stamp that said I was there. Finally!

I went through. Got stamped. The stamp was so light. Hardly discernable. But it was there! And I walked through and waited for my friends. I was so excited. We didn't go to our hotel or Jerusalem right away. We stopped in Jaffa to see Jaffa gate and Tel Aviv before going down the road to have lunch by the Mediteranean Sea. I was amazed. I stood at the scorpio point of the Wishing Bridge. And I can't remember what I wished for but I think in that moment I wished to be there forever. It was amazing. I was so amazed I don't think I was even in my body anymore. We saw Independence Hall and then we had a long drive to Jerusalem. Before we entered Jerusalem we stopped off at the edge of a mountain or cliff and looked over the Old City as the sun began to set. It was gorgious. I loved the beautiful sight. But I couldn't wait to be in it.

When we finally checked into Lev Yerushalaim I couldn't wait to see my room. It wasn't anything extraordinary but I loved it anyway. I could hear music outside and I went and opened my window. Right outside my window across from Ben Yehuda Street there was a giant chanukiah was men in a lift lighting the candles for the third night of Chanukah. So exciting. Not like in America where every street corner has a Christmas tree and the radio belts out songs of jungle bells, chestnuts, and Santa. I felt like I was at home. It was just amazing. It was like I knew right away that I wanted to be there forever.



This is Tzafat. One of the four holy cities of Israel. We stopped off here towards the end of our trip. We explored the old city, saw it's age, learned some stories, and helped aid in the rebuiding of a girls' school that had been wrecked by a ketusha rocket fired from the Lebanese border by Hizbollah. It was wonderful. We moved 40 tons of sand and rock in 37 minutes. The people on this trip were phenominal and it was really special to see us all work together to try to accomplish as much as possible as efficiently as we could in what time we had. I wish we could have done more. But I'm happy that I could have done anything at all.

Our Personal Israel.

Miss Lez,

I just wanted to address this situation that may or may not arise... all the same, at least it's out there.
From the way that you have been talking, and the way that I am now talking, it seems like we are going to have a rift between our outtakes on things that are happening. I am feeling like G-d is talking very strongly in my life right now, so most of what will happen to me I will give and wonder how the credit as/is His. And so it seems now that you are coming to terms that you don't give the credit to Him... You give it to life. And you make the most of it. And the beauty is in this world, and the good in people.
Well, no matter the rift, I still think that something unites us. I still think we feel like something is guiding us... something is there. And with your latest expedition to the Holy land, you've learned to respect other's beliefs and feelings. And I would believe that for that person, you would hope that what they believe in is real. but you're still aware of your own feelings.
Well darling, I'll do the same.
I want you to post on here whatever you want to post... and I will respect that they're your feelings and thoughts. and I will try to help in any way that I can.
Until then... update this stupid blogger so that I can access it more often. The bugger's tempermental.

There's Faith In The Heart

My dad called. It's good to hear from him... We don't enough (fill in the missing term with whatever you want- whatever it is, it isn't enough). He asked how my beau & I were. I told him. He said he was glad to see so much maturity in me... since I could recognize that we were better as friends. I guess his experiences with girls of my age were more shallow... or those girls didn't recognize what their hearts were really telling them. That's a reason why my mom is proud of me: I could recognize what my heart was saying vs. my head. Honestly, I'm proud of that myself. I'm also proud that I took the initiative to follow it.
It takes a lot of faith to follow your heart... faith that what you feel, what you believe in, is true. The faith that it will eventually be real for you.
I believe that I am able to recognize these feelings... and I hope that it fulfills a purpose. I hope that what I am meant for comes to be.

Inside & Out

Miss Les,
I can see a lot of her philosophy in yours. She's inspiring... and I think she says more for you than for me, but I fell for her all the same. She is simply beautiful... inside and out.

First Night!

This was my first night to serve a table! And I do believe that I looked like I knew exactly what I was doing... oh, if only they really knew. I try to call you. All the time; really. But I can't figure out how to make it go through! So I send you a prayer, instead. Sometimes, that might do the better good.
Sometimes I just want to talk to you.

Found Something Here.

I've thought about you and prayed for you; I hope you have found something here...

I wish you were here.

I miss you. Terribly. And I can't stand that I cannot talk to you. I can't talk to anyone now; not truly; not anymore. I feel more alone than I have felt in a long time.

You Aren't Hopeless

To give up something so wonderful for the hope of there being more...
No, For the faith that there is something you're meant for.
And sometimes you feel so certain, but the second the thought enters your head vulnerability kicks in and nothing is certain.
For feelings being so strong, they can't hold you up long when you slip.
While faith becomes so weak, it's hard to not give up.
It's hard to not give up on the knowledge that you really know what you are doing, or on the faith that tells you what is true, or on the hope that maybe you aren't hopeless.

This is Me.

Because everything around me is changing, he is changing for me the way I asked him to, and yet I have not. I still feel the same.

Cliff hanger

I asked Tall Wonder if it is like jumping off a cliff. One of those things that you just have to do because if you think about it then you will psych yourself out... He said, "Basically, You're just choosing your cliff"

There's no other way about it. No matter what you decide to do, you decide to do it. You make the leap... off the cliff that lands alone or with him.

The Best Days

I try to come up with reasons for things... but they're simply my interpretations. I don't know why things happen (until I do), and that's okay.

The two best days of your life are the day you are born and the day you realize why.

I AM SICK OF BEING SICK. GOD I HATE THIS. It's been three weeks. Today I thought I was going to collapse. All I do is practice and go to classes and study. WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO????? I just hate hate hate this. I hate being weak. It feels like shit. This is bullshit. It's so humiliating. I feel like I can't even help myself.


bljbljaddsu fPWEFPUDPSIUHV PSDIUFVDFIUHGISUHDGIPUSHDFVHLDIBVDSLKJHVDSIDSFH;IVDH;IFGUBVDSBHLVDBJLVSHHGROIUYTRRTYUIOUGFDGHJHGFDGHJHGFDGHJHGFGHJKHGFGHJKHGFHJKHGHJOEIRUTYHJR4ER876TGRVFGUYBH3REJFGUIY7EGBHRDFY7IIIIIIBFHLLKSDJGHAPIEUWTYPEIRUGHBLFKDJBNLFDKJNDSFJHGPEIRUGH

There. I said it. Can I get better now?????

My Reply

Dear Gwenn,

Purple does suit you. All the colors do. You are multi-faceted. You are the embodiment of Whitman's essence.
I'm not sure how I feel about the other colors. I don't necessarily think of green as wisdom. I think green is fresh. Earth. Spring. Health. Green is a color you can swim in. Green is an ocean. It's a glint in your eye. Green is a time of day, a time of life. Green is infinite. It's always fresh...even when it's mashed and decaying. Every stage of green is intriguing. Red is so many things. It might be the most volatile color...the most soothing, corrupt, passionate, sensuous, sultry, and even perhaps tame.

I chose you. But something else made it stick. You could have rejected me. But you love me every bit as much as I love you. And I think that the best relationships are choices. An "I-Want-You" kind of choice. No matter what there's always going to be pieces of me with you. After 7-8 years, it's impossible not to have some sort of wierd infusion of the two of us. I certainly wouldn't be me if I hadn't met you.

You aren't just a light to Angel. You are a light to me, to your brother, to Jen, to many others. You've probably been a light to more people than you know. You have more worth than you are giving yourself credit for. And your life may not consist of one purpose, but probably many. In your lifetime, You'll see many different things. And looking forward, you can't warn yourself or adjust. When you come to those events that mark your life your actions will ultimately help create the person you will become. So, you saved a life, perhaps. Is it the last one? Is it the only one? NO. Don't be silly. There is plenty more to tackle out there. You want to be a light? Fight for Darfur. Stop genocide. Save the environment. Support research for renewable energies. Hold the government accountable. Vote. Feed the homeless. Listen to someone. Smile at someone. When you find a penny on the ground share it. Pay it forward. I don't know. What ever you do, it's completely your choice.

As for Angel's ingratefulness, I don't know what to say about it. I

To be continued....



Maybe.......

Thin Glass Shell

Gwenn- I'll reply to your letter. But not right now. I think it takes some thinking.
Here's how I feel about things in general right now. I'm questioning everything in my life. Not music. But all the other outer forces. Human nature, politics, government, religion, etc. For instance, with religion I feel like I'm standing on two different grounds. One foot is one one ground with Judiasm. My other foot is on the ground that questions theology and religion. I partly believe that people from the beginning of time have sought to answer all the questions. We have the propensity to think we should know the answers to all the questions. When you stand on the edge of a cliff (metaphorically of course) and you say is, "Anybody out there?" And even though you hear nothing there is still a god? What is god, really? Where did he come from? Why us? Why create? Are there Angels? A heaven a hell? Who came up with those ideas? Who died, came back, and wrote to us about these places? How can you know with out leaving this world? Do souls just die with us? Does it all stop? Could Jesus walk on water? Did Thetis really mother Achilles? Did she put him in the River Styx or did she annoint him with ambrosia and burn his mortal parts over a fire? Did Kind Priam love both sons equally? Was Pluto ever a planet? Is the sky reflecting the sea or is the sea reflecting the sky? Why are my eyes brown? Why did I get Bb genes instead of bb? Why did my mother's dominant allele win over my grandmother's negative allele for blue eyes? Why???? Why?????? Can you really answer those questions? Why should they even be answered? Does it matter?

So here is Marianne Moore and my favorite poem at the moment.

The Paper Nautilus

For authorities whose hopes

are shaped by mercenaries?

Writers entrapped by

teatime fame and by

commuters' comforts? Not for these

the paper nautilus

constructs her thin glass shell.



Giving her perishable

souvenir of hope, a dull

white outside and smooth-

edged inner surface

glossy as the sea, the watchful

maker of it guards it

day and night; she scarcely



eats until the eggs are hatched.

Buried eight-fold in her eight

arms, for she is in

a sense a devil-

fish, her glass ram'shorn-cradled freight

is hid but is not crushed;

as Hercules, bitten



by a crab loyal to the hydra,

was hindered to succeed,

the intensively

watched eggs coming from

the shell free it when they are freed,--

leaving its wasp-nest flaws

of white on white, and close-



laid Ionic chiton-folds

like the lines in the mane of

a Parthenon horse,

round which the arms had

wound themselves as if they knew love

is the only fortress

strong enough to trust to.

Connections

An intrguing analysis, Leslie, for purple means mystery, while green means wisdom, red is passion, and so on. I find it interesting that I have never been a claimed fan of purple, but purple has been a fan of me. It's the color that is chosen by others to work the best for me (like some shirts, and my glasses- may they rest in peace, wherever they are). I don't want to say this poorly, but I think that works with us. I would say that you chose me, and you work for me, while I would not claim to have chosen you. Does that make sense? For it didn't just happen- you made it happen. And it works.
I have your dream catcher and "quit work make music" car-scenter hanging on my rear-view mirror because they are what use to hang on yours. It reminds me of you... and I like carrying that piece of you around.

A revelation was brought to me today. I was more or less pondering my purpose in life... for I have always wanted to be a light to someone in this world, and I became one. With Angel. And I wondered if I have any more of a purpose... of course I do, but since my goal was created, what else was there for me? I was a light for Angel. I changed his life, and in a way, I might have saved it. But in return, he hurt me... after I had been so good to him. That's the same thing Israel, the world, all of us, has done to G-d. HE helped us, HE saved us, and then we turn on Him- Either by rebelling, or neglecting, or disobeying... I am grateful to be able to feel what G-d must feel. To know what G-d thinks... Especially if it is sad. For that's what teaches us.

Earth's Mysteries

I love October. I think that each month of the year has its own personality. And I think the same thing about colors. My mother gave me this really beautiful children's book when I was little. it had magificent art work. The book was about every color. And my favorite was purple. There was a picture of a woman, everything was in purple of course, and she was beautiful. Yet very mysterious. I think for me, purple is a color that holds a sweet secret.



Another thought: Our bodies were not meant to carry or hold dead weight. Or bodies are engineered for movement. The way our muscles connect. We aren't meant to stay still. Or be weighed down. Nothing is every completely still every particle of everything is technically just bouncing around. And that's why the world is constantly in a state of change. And I think that purple is the very little stillness that we detect, but it alludes you because it's not there long before it leaves. I think purple acn be majestic but deep. Purple can be pink, red, and blue. Purple is a mood. Purple isn't common. Purple is October. October is a mysterious month. There's Halloween and the Day of the Dead. October is when the leaves change, the wind grows cold, the moon is closer to the earth, and autumn takes hold. October is glorious, sweet, lonesome, and most of all a contradiction. October is warm and cold at the same time. It's simply mysterious.

Try To Remember (a Night in September)

"Try to rememberThe kind of SeptemberWhen life was slowAnd oh so mellow
Try to rememberThe kind of SeptemberWhen grass was greenAnd grain was yellow ... Deep in DecemberIt's nice to rememberThe fire of September That made us mellow
Deep in DecemberOur hearts should rememberAnd follow ... follow ... follow ..."

How am I?

The one to have last posted so long ago? since this is your site... Yet it says September 7th was the last update, so maybe I haven't seen the whole sight.

Dear Miss Leslie, I do wonder... what do we do to distract us so from once a common routine?

No One Knows...

... what's around the corner.
... where to go
or where it is going.


the way is lit by the shadow of the light.

questions flee and all seems right.


it's completely dark.
lost.

the best is still made..
at any cost?

Over and Out

The Paper Moon is signing off for a couple weeks. Well...maybe longer. I'll see ya at home Lady G!

HOME!!!!

This is the front entrance to my new home. I move in at the beginning of August. Gwenn, I thought you would like to see it because it will be a while till you see my new home! Anyway, after you get in the gate this is the entrance into my building.

I'm so excited!!! There are a couple differences. There are these old style rot iron lamp posts. And the railing is finished. It looks very nice. And what you can see is that on either side of the sidewalk (which is actually a bridge) there's a huge drop and tons of vinces. It's very beautiful.


This is another view of the apartments. Really nice. This is actually a picture from the small parking lot infront of this. It's closed of from the street and there's a gate to get in. There's also a tiny parking lot for visitors. Not that it's neccessary. Nearby Stetson Ave has plenty of parking. And they are building a parking garage and several brand new apartment buildings nearby. Which means the area will only get better. Yay! And I'm by a police station and a hospital. Hurray for that too. Anyway, one more picture.

Here is the floor plan.
So I think I'm going to put the bed against the wall that also goes along the living room. And from there I don't know. Don't know what my furniture will be yet.
In the living room the tv has to go in the bottom left hand corner so I'll probaby have my tv there, my sterio next to it, and my desk in the bottom right hand corner and some shalves against the wall that borders the bedroom. Not a lot of furniture yet. But I'm excited. Mom and I are going to go check out some antique stores for furniture. Buy things cheap. Repaint and refinish them. Give them a fresh new look. And then bring it to Cincy. I think it will be a really fun project. And it will be cheap. And I won't feel like my parents are picking everything. Because we both know how much I hate the thought of that, even though I love my parents to pieces.

Zzzz....

I am dead dog tired.

Gwenn!!!!!

I can't wait to move out and come home.

I am not: good at this
I hate: this think on top of your head quickly survey
I fear: being alone
I regret: little
I cry: out loud
I always: can do better
I sing: boldly
I dance: badly
I learn: quickly... you'd think
I feel: like I have cotton wedged in the corners of my mouth
I fight: bad habits... wait, no I don't.

I am not: tired
I love: clarinet
I hate: my theory TA
I fear: growing old and fat
I hope: I kick ass this summer
I hear: birds outside my window
I crave: success
I regret: many of the things I've done over the years. But I'm trying to learn.
I cry: when I'm frustrated with clarinet
I care: more than you can imagine
I always: try to do the right things
I believe: that music is a part of my soul and that I am on the right path
I feel alone: in that I don't have a partner. I like that. I love my independence.
I listen: all the time.
I hide: in my room, away from the world.
I drive: all the time. It's therapeutic.
I sing: a lot!
I dance: all the time.
I write: when I feel like it.
I play: the clarinet. And frisbee.
I miss: what it feels like to be truly in love. I miss hot summer days. I miss swimming outside. I miss Oklahoma. I miss Gwenn. I miss my dog, that I'll never see again. I miss the places I've never seen.
I search: for meaning in everything.
I learn: so much everyday. Especially on Mondays.
I feel: happy, content, excited scaried, secure and insecure, loved, special, energized, and something else that doesn't have a word.
I know: more now than I did yesterday, but less than I will tomorrow.
I say: "Dear God, Please don't let my father pick out my furniture!"
I succeed: when I listen to Ixi. And I succeed when I balance work and play.
I dream: as much during the day as I do during the night.
I want: love, success, mess and chaos balanced by beauty and silence, good food, and rich future.
I have: more than I feel I deserve.
I give: as much as I can. And then I still feel like I can give more.
I fell: when I tried too hard.
I fight: quietly.
I need: solitude, silence, nature, Oklahoma, friends, family, love, food, Cincinnati, and sleep.

SO I made it through the storm. I'm not where I want to be with performance. But I think I've improved. And I hope to keep it up.

I have a new student. I am so excited!

And I'm going be signing a lease. I hope. I'm excited about that as well. Yahoooo! And I have an awesome summer lined up. And I have another half a quarter to go and then I can move out!

And Gwenn...she's already having her finals. I can't believe it. And she'll already be moved in by the time I get home. Gwenn! And Kaiser. And Kelsey. And their furniture. New home. I wish I could be there. Maybe I can help paint... :P

Ok...Breathe

Soon it will all be over. The first three days of this week will be behind me. And then it will be Saturday again...and I can start to feel like a human rather than a robot-octopus-clarinet- machine.

Trrrrouble.

Had an interview today... and I've applied to three other places. I haven't heard from the others. That bothers me. The only problem with the place that I'm applying to work now is that it doesn't begin until May 22; so what do I do for work for the month before? I have to pay rent somehow... I doubt I can start earlier; but ... maybe I can find a job for a month at some place that really needs it. Telemarketer or Panera... something. G-d always provides, though. I have no doubt in that. It will all work out. But there's another job that I just applied for, and I think it'd be a better deal. I really want that one, but I just sent in the application a couple days ago, so I can't contact them for another week... So I'll just sit and wait until then. This week... a project's due. I'm running behind. Gosh. Have to step it up. But I also have this beautiful distraction on one side... and it's hard to really step it up.

I'm just getting myself into more and more trouble, aren't I?

Weber

This man is dangerous. If you see this man call 1-800-NO- MORE-CONCERTOS. Or visit www.musicaltorture.com/crimes_against_humanity/CCM.



Ok...so I'm kidding. But right now I do believe this man is dangerous. And if I had some magic bullets.....

Life's Rich, Man!

Micheal and I were going to go clarinet hunting today. But my car is going to cost too much to get fixed. So I'm going to suck it up and deal with the piece of shit Yamaha A clarinet I have.

But ya know, on the upside, at least I have an A clarinet. And I'm signing a lease on Monday. And I know what I'm going to do this summer. And life is rich.

Miracle, Please?

I'm praying that I make it through the next couple of days. In fact, the next couple of weeks.


I have a lot to accomplish in a short amount of time. So maybe I need to change my habbits? Who knows. I think maybe I just need to "get 'er done".

Working girl?

So I am trying to find work to do over the summer... so while I'm applying other places, I'm quite avoiding the work that I need to get done now. It isn't good. I can't take summer break 3 weeks early... Okay. After tonight, I'm really going to get my butt into gear. Really.

Tropicoso

I went salsa dancing at the Tropicoso in Newport with Rachel and Allysa. It was awesome. I had a great time. I loved the live music and the dancing. Reggatones were fun too. I danced with some good dancers and then there were some old Mexican guys that hardly moved and were really bad at leading. There was one man that kept asking me to dance and after going through three dances in a row my feet were killing me and I decided it was time to take a break. He was offended and he came over to my table and wanted to give me a number of someplace to go to learn salsa. Then I was offended so he started talking to Carmen (a singer at the tropicoso) in Spanish and she told him to get lost. I had fun dancing with the girls. I think I'll definitely go back lots.

Hunting

It's funny how life happens. How your not always sure what to expect.







I'm looking at apartments today. I really hope I like something I see because the process of finding some place to live is tedious and tiresome. And I'm ready to be done. Over. No more. The end.

Home Warm Home

Today it's supposed to be 81 degrees F in Oklahoma. I really miss that kind of weather. At least we have sunshine in Cincinnati.

I want a new Clarinet

I watch my pennies closely. But my piggy keeps eating them. Thankfully. My piggy isn't fat though. He's just hungry. Oh stupid piggy. Why don't you go grow a money tree?

All Schickele Mixed-Up

I just finished a concert with Peter Schickele. It was a blast. The Octoot was amazing. And the grand piece was a smash. PDQ Bach himself was quite a riot. And Professor Schickele was quite adept at keeping him incheck. The melodies were familiar of course. At times becoming odd and lost in translation...Or perhaps becoming confused with other familiar melodies; all of them creating a harmonious cacophony of intermixed chaos and laughter. The concert was fun. And I enjoyed gurgling on the final Bb in the second movement. The audience enjoyed it as well.

I'm seeing it

Uh oh...

UHHHH!

This Week I'm going to KICK ASS!

ThursDAY!

Beautiful morning that started with practice.

I've started getting up at 6am instead of 7am. And I really like it. Especially since I can pick a practice room with a view of the sunrise, albeit it's over a soccar field. I do have to go to bed earlier. But what am I missing? Late night TV? Doesn't matter. Don't have a TV. Forget that. Anyway, it was going to be a busy day. But the headstart should leave me a little more time at the end of the day to not feel so hurried.

Can't Break Spring Anymore

Today it was pretty glorious outside. Even when it got cloudy the air was fresh with humidity. I love it.

Anyway, it's Spring Quarter. It's time to pile on the bitch work and start digging. So...I'm going to dig my little ass off. And hopefully if I play my cards right I'll have time to do everything I need to do, practice clarinet the way I want to, and still have time for friends and fun. I hope.

To Gwenn...

TO GWENN!

who never called me back after her initial B-day greetings from me which leads me to believe that she is being smothered with birthday love from all her friends at OSU. Or at least I hope so. Cause I spent all day learning songs on the piano for you :D

And it was.

It was an amazing experience. There will always be more that you can do... more to see, more to experience. But all that means is that we just have to go back and do it next time. For what we had though, we made the most of it. And you can't complain. At all. Life is good.

She went....

So much happened this week. Now my place feels empty. I liked having the girls around even though half the time I couldn't have fun with them....I always wished I was hanging out with them. And I hope they liked what they saw of Da Nati. Apparrently they didn't see any cute boys. But hopefully on the bright sunny days they enjoyed being somewhere other than home.

Almost here! The suspense is killing me. I wish I had cleaned. But it's busy. I'm glad I'll get to see my girls today. Cause I can't wait anymore!

Exhausted

Don't I know what that's like.

I am probably saying this for the first time in my life: I really can not wait to go back to Oklahoma. I miss being outdoors constantly. I miss the warm weather. I miss how the speed limit is hardly ever below 70 mph. I can't wait to wake-up to dewy grassed mornings that blossom into warm/hot days and then the cool evenings. I miss my family. I miss tv. I really didn't bother with tv over winter break. Although I did kind of learn how to use a dvr. I miss everything. I miss how much nothing there is to do and how much fun it is to fill it up. This is where I can fill my time with art, exercise, reading, outdoors...everything. I CAN'T WAIT. I need to go home. NOW. Ok...it can wait. Gwenn's coming :)

A little Worn

I'm feeling a little worn out. Actually, if I am completely honest, this week hasn't felt any more rough for me than any other Charette week. It's kinda nice, in an odd way. Most people are fretting over the work load and the stress of this week... and they all feel very far behind. I personally don't feel any farther behind than I always am. And that's kind of a cool thought- that I'm on the same level with everyone else, but I'm not feeling bad about it. Okay, that isn't a cool thought. It's just a cool deal.
I'll tell you though... I love any excuse to get away from the desk. What can I say, I prefer to go in intervals. And honestly... I also like curling up with a laptop and music and typing to town. But I don't have anything to type about... so I'm just rambling. Ah what can I say? I like doing it every now and again. I fell asleep in the car earlier waiting for Panera to open. It was kinda nice... except my eyes were more sleepy than they had been earlier. I can't blame them.
Well... Looking forward to that road trip. Three nights and counting...

MyMindKeepsTellingMeNo,ButMyBody...

LAWeinstein: Anyway, I've been stuffed up, coughing etc. But it's getting better. It already got worse, so now it's getting better. And by the time it's gone I'll b ready for my period. Yay!!!!! Joy ride!!!!!

LAWeinstein: I think my body is trying to take me out.

Eva no longer covered in road salt!!!

I got my car washed today!!!!!!!!!!! It is SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!! And I cleaned out the backseat and all the programs and papers that people leave in the door. I cleaned out my trunk. Nothing was really dirty. But I just wanted to get rid of the little clutter I did have. I love it when my car is completely empty and....clean. Brand new. That's how I kept my Lexus. And that's how I keep my car. I love my car...I love Eva....

The House

is not this one. But imagine it one story... change the blue paint to a white, and the white trim to a creamish yellow. There aren't any fancy canopy roofings that cover the porch, or the front facade window. The porch is very much the same, though... there is one window that sits behind the porch, like this picture. There is one window that sits at the front facade, as well... so take out that small window in the picture (along with the top level). There isn't a walkway that leads to the porch from this direction. The stairs are on the end (south) side; they come up from where we park our cars (along the side of the house). There aren't any hedges at all... to contain grass and weed, the landlords just spray Round Up annually. So here's what we/I plan to do with it: since it is a simple house, we must keep the decorations simple. Otherwise the styles would clash, or seem out of place. Since they spray Round Up every year, we might just avoid planting all together. Okay: where the stairs are in the above picture, I plan on putting/making some stairs there. Either buy pre-cemented stairs, or make them out of railroad ties, cement blocks, or we'll see. We'll add a walkway heading from the stairs made out of stepping stones... perhaps line that walkway with gravel around those stones. We'll paint the trim and the pole-support black, and perhaps the door red. I want to add a little diamond-crossed fence along the end of the porch (where the fence is now in the above picture). In front of that we might add some vinery that could crawl up that fence... perhaps some sort of low, annual bush that doesn't need any maintenance and can last through the years. We'll hang a wind chime, potted plant, or colorful candle holders from the porch roof. There will definately be potted plants somewhere about the porch, or around it... There's still a lot of debate about what we'll do, but that's the general idea so far. Inside: imagine the house diveded into two equal parts. You walk into one part that takes up 2/3 of the space: this is the living room / dining area (it's large.. very nice). Then you walk into a cross section... from here you can go forward into the Kitchen/ laundry room (that's right, we have a laundry area), or you can make a left. If you go forward after you make the left, you'll reach the bathroom. If you make another left, you'll go into Chelsea's room (her window is what you see from the porch), or you can make a right into my room.
There are five window units. To save money, we'll open windows and use fans, then use a couple window units if we have to. Space heaters will probably be used during the winter... and we might paint one wall in the house a different color. I like the idea of painting the North side wall of the living room (the one you see when you walk in) a deep red. With a red door, that'd match beautifully. We'll have pictures, candle holders that extend from the wall, plants, my baker's rack (hopefully), and all sorts of litte decorations through out the house. We'll also have a set of wine glasses and a choice beverage just for those sorts of nights... and a beautiful porch to enjoy it on. Oh! I found a white wicker chair (very adorable) next to the dumpster the other day... so that'll go on the porch as well. We might add some tiki candles to enjoy the porch at night, also.

Now... don't you want to visit?

Warmther

It's 85.